New yorkers tired of bending over for ‘stop and frisk’; copssuggest alternatives (parody)

Saturday, 9 June 2012 New York – The heat is on the “stop andfrisk” powers of the NYPD. Heavy political pressure hasprompted Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly to develop alternativesto a procedure that allows police to detain and search anyone, atany time, without any cause. “Our original goal was to do in New York City what the TSA hasdone in the nation’s airports,” Kelly said. “That is,create a prison-like environment where everyone is suspect and onlythe authorities have any rights. Aluminium Composite Signs

Stop and frisk is ideal for that.It’s like putting the entire city under arrest.” The Commissioner lamented that “stop and frisk” probablywould not survive a Fourth Amendment challenge. That Constitutionalsafeguard protects citizens from unreasonable searches.”Unfortunately, the founding fathers wanted to specificallyprevent precisely what we’re doing. What were they thinking?” Kelly noted that he is working with the New York City Department ofAlibis to create alternatives to “Stop and Frisk” thatmight pass Constitutional muster. His favorites: Hide and Seek Suspects would be given a head start of up to 10 Mississippi’sbefore police could open fire on them. “This adds a sportingaspect to each encounter, which I think the courts are going tolove,” Kelly noted. Aluminium Strip Coil Manufacturer

Live and Learn Would allow the arresting patrolman to apply his nightstick to thesuspect’s head until the would-be criminal has “learned hislesson.” Comments Kelly: “Some cases will be harder tocrack than others.” Shuck and Jive The cops would arrest the suspect for a long list of trumped upcharges. The joke would be revealed, but only after the suspectspends a few years in Rikers. “This is a little like CandidCamera, but without the fun.” Dine and Dash The suspect would be taken to the nearest doughnut shop or dinerfor his last meal. “The perp would be able to order anythingon the menu, with the exception of sugary drinks,” said thecommissioner. Crash and Burn Police would simply run down the suspect with their patrol car.”Then it’s Geico’s problem,” Kelly declared. Aluminum Wire Rod

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious .

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s